Infernal
by Dragon XD
Summary: Its your usual Ranma crossover. Bad stuff happens, main character jumps ship, enters new series, raunchy comedy ensues.


Disclaimer: All characters and ideas are property of their respective creators

Warning: This story is rated mature for a reason that will become evident in later chapters

Chapter 1: Ranma Gets His Wish

"Do you like my dress Ranma?"

Ranma was speechless as he looked at Akane in her wedding dress. He couldn't believe that she was actually going through with this kooky plan with their fathers had cooked up. As soon as he shook himself out of the foolishness of the moment, he poked Akane to make sure she wasn't sleep-walking or in some kind of daze. "Hey Akane, don't tell me they actually have you going along with this wedding thing. I didn't think you were _that_ stupid."

The girl in the dress blinked. "W-What?"

"I mean," Ranma mumbled as he laughed at the whole situation. "The old men have come up with some idiotic stuff before, but this is the first time they've actually got you to go along with it. You can't _seriously_ expect me to get married!"

"Ranma you idiot! If you don't want to get married then just get out! AND YOU CAN JUST STAY A GIRL FOR ALL I CARE!" Akane shouted before sending her good for nothing fiancé flying through her window.

The pigtailed boy just took the hit as not have to deal with the rest of Akane's tantrum. As soon as he was out the window, Ranma thought of the situation that had led to his latest flight through the air. The morning after he had come back from China, Ranma had found his old man and Mr. Tendo waiting outside his room with some baseball bats before he fell unconscious again; this time due to head trauma rather than sleep.

Then when he woke up for the second time that morning, Ranma found himself dressed in a tuxedo and was told that everything was prepared for his wedding. After realizing that he wasn't having that reoccurring nightmare which had been plaguing him for the past several months, he told the idiots to buzz off before tying to go on with his day. Then he had gone upstairs to warn everyone about what was going on and share a laugh at the stupidity of it all, only to find Akane was also in a wedding dress.

Things got _real_ confusing when Akane started talking about how he confessed his love for her in China, something Ranma was pretty sure never happened, and when he told her that, he ended up in his current location, several feet above the ground.

All in all Ranma had to say it was one of their fathers' more…hopeful plans to get them together. As if just dressing everyone up and holding a wedding would have really worked. The fact that Akane was also in a dress _was_ a little disturbing though. _I wonder how those idiots managed that_?

Experience said it was most likely some kind of love potion. Although it apparently wore off since Akane had socked him through the window.

It was a little surprising Soun and the old man had tried something like that though. Although after everyone had the little near death experience in China with Saffron, Ranma supposed anyone would have been a little rattled. He knew that much from what happened when he actually saw her sort of die.

Then there had been those stupid thoughts about getting used to being a girl, about how his girl side was a part of him when he had seen Jusenkyo flooded. The depression of seeing his cure extinguished like that…but everything went back to normal during the trip home. He was able to just push it all aside because…well, because he _had_ to. What other option was there?

Okay well he could always just cop out and end it all honorably with a knife to his guy and a sword to the back of the head. But just because his life sucked and there was no getting out of it didn't mean he was going to go that route.

When the climb reached its apex, Ranma readjusted himself to fall in a nearby construction sight and landed softly on top of a pile of dirt. Then he remembered he was in a tuxedo and flinched. Knowing his cheap father, the thing was probably a rental, which meant Nabiki would try and find some way to at least stiff him with the cleaning bill.

"Great, I probably don't want to head back to the dojo right now," he grumbled as he looked at the dirt covered pants and shoes. He wondered if there was a quick an easy laundry service around somewhere that he could sneak into and get the pants cleaned before anyone noticed.

Ranma went out onto the street to look around, then jumped when he felt someone tap on his shoulder from behind.

"Excuse me, Ranma Saotome?"

Ranma turned to look at the stranger, and all questions of just how she had snuck up on him disappeared when he saw what she was wearing. The older woman was dressed in a maid uniform, blonde hair crept out from beneath her hat, and she held a letter addressed to him in what he guessed was English.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I'm sorry for taking so long to find you, but you were already on a boat and leaving China by the time we heard about…well, that's not important," she said after a moment. Oddly enough, despite her obvious foreign heritage, the woman spoke perfect Japanese. "This is for you."

The woman handed him the envelope, and Ranma looked down at the thing. It was a fancy-looking black envelope with his name written in gold, and a red wax seal on the back. _This can't be good_.

Ranma looked back to up tell the girl to take it back and get lost, but she was already gone. "Great," he mumbled before holding the thing up to the sun to try and see what was inside. It didn't help.

Personal experience told him to just toss the thing, forget about the weirdo, and continue on with his day. _But if it's a challenge letter or something…maybe I should open it_. There was also the distinct possibility that even if he got rid of the letter, the something bad it entailed would still come around, and he wouldn't have any warning.

So, Ranma sighed and opened the letter to look at the paper inside. From what he could tell, it looked like some soft of weird pentagram, or at least something Gosenkugi would doodle in his notebook. He checked the envelope again, and didn't find anything like a letter, or even instructions.

_So much for that_, Ranma thought before stuffing the thing into his pocket since he didn't just want to toss something like a magic piece of paper into the wind. . If something weird did come calling, he could always just go and call on the occult otaku to explain things. If it wasn't magic, well not littering was always good too.

With the weirdness for today dealt with, and in record time to boot, Ranma decided to just head back to the dojo and maybe get some morning exercise in. After what happened back in China, Ranma realized that he really needed to get serious about his martial arts again. _If I had been training all the time instead of wasting my time in school, most of what happened in China wouldn't have been a problem_.

-Meanwhile at the Dojo-

"The wedding is off!" Akane shouted as she stormed down the stairs in tears.

Nabiki picked her head up from the dining table after she mentally noted where she was in counting her latest profits. "What do you mean off?" Nabiki hoped she didn't sound _too _nervous.

If it came down to it she could just deny people their refunds for the invitations they bought. Nabiki had known Ranma wouldn't have gone through with it anyway. _Well, I should probably go make some phone calls before a lot of violent girls start showing up and putting holes in our house_.

Soun looked away from Genma for a moment. "What do you mean off Akane? Did something happen?"

For a moment Akane thought about telling her father everything, but the thought of someone like her running to her daddy's arms and crying made the girl clench her teeth. She wasn't some weak little crybaby!

Instead, Akane just stomped her foot down. "I'm calling it off! That's what happened. I'm never marrying that idiot! He's stupid, and a complete jerk. Just pour that stuff down the-Hey, where'd the barrel of Nanniichuan go?"

"Hmm?" Soun looked back to the table he had been guarding to see the barrel was indeed missing, then frowned as he looked over to the house's exit. "Saotome!"

Genma looked back to stick his tongue out at his old friend. "Sorry old pal but the note on the barrel was addressed to me," he said with a giddy laugh.

Well, it was actually addressed to 'Saotome' which probably meant Ranma since it talked about the help he gave in China, but Genma had been there too! He needed it more than his son did anyway. Ranma bitched about things so much being a whiney little girl suited him, but Genma turned into a panda for crying out loud!

He kicked the door open and an into the front yard before turning the barrel over his head and letting the curative waters wash over him. Genma looked up at the empty barrel, then down at himself.

He was wet, and he was a _man_!

Unable to help himself, Genma laughed with pure joy. To be wet _and _a man again. It felt so good, so freeing! He was a never cursed to turn into a stupid animal when doused with cold water!

"It worked!" Genma roared as he laughed with joy. "It worked, the Nanniichuan worked!" He threw the barrel to the ground and looked up to see that Ranma had come home. "Look boy, your old dad-hmm? Something wrong boy?"

Ranma just stood there motionless, then his eyes slowly turned to look at the barrel. "Nan-nii-chuan?" he read slowly as his mind tried to process the fact there had been a barrel of the stuff at the Tendo House.

"That's right son, it came in last night with a letter addressed to you," Soun said.

"That's right Ranma, Nannichuan!" Akane said right over her father. "I was willing to actually marry you for you to be cured! If you had just gone through with it…"

Ranma was barely aware of the other people talking. He heard how Soun was saying this was all Ranma's fault for not marrying Akane when he was supposed to, and how he had a duty to the families and the school. He heard Genma giving some better luck next time speech. He heard Akane shouting, saying that she had been willing to actually put herself through marriage to someone like him for…for…for something that was already Ranma's to begin with.

In his head, he could see it all happening. A barrel arriving from China that could have cured everyone's curse, all they would have done is take a quick dip and get out. But then Soun came to the door…

"_With this, I can force Ranma to marry Akane!" the demonic fantasy Soun said with a voice much more darker beyond his normal one_.

"_You're right dad, and I can always hold it over Ranma's head that I married him so he could be cured," the phantom Akane laughed. "I can treat him like crap for the rest of his life and there's nothing he can do about it_!"

At various times in a person's life, they have what is known as an epiphany; a sudden realization of some great truth that they just couldn't see before because of some strange reason. For Ranma, it was a rather simple one.

In all honesty, he didn't want to get married. He didn't want to be tied down to someplace like a failing dojo, spending the rest of his life either barely getting by or teaching whiney little brats martial arts when hardly any of them could go far enough to actually be any good at it. He didn't want to be tied down _anywhere_.

But here he was, chained to the Tendo Dojo, chained to his father, chained to Akane…all of whom were now yanking those chains as they shouted in his face about this latest thing that was also his fault for some reason.

"Shut up," Ranma growled, only to have no one pay attention to him. "I SAID SHUT UP!"

Ranma flared his aura and kicked everyone around him back. "ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP!" he shouted before focusing his anger into something tangible. "THE HELL WITH ALL OF YOU, AND THE HELL WITH ALL YOUR CRAP!"

Then, he let it all go. The blast flew forward, knocking Genma and Soun aside while pushing Akane, who had been in the middle of the group, into the ground with its intensity. Ranma's ki blast connected with the Tendo house, blowing it to pieces that were thrown everywhere.

"AND YOUR DAMN DOJO TOO!" he shouted before blowing it to kingdom come as well.

With everything around him little more than rubble, Ranma let out a angry shout. "I HAD IT WITH ALL OF YOU!" For a moment, one dark, glorious moment, he thought just ending everyone in front of him then and there…but instead, he turned around to go find more things to smash and headed into the city.

-Meanwhile, a few meters beneath the Tendo House-

Nabiki looked up at the ceiling when she felt the room shake once again before turning her attention over to her sister. "Now do you agree that spending the family savings on a bomb shelter was a good idea?" Although in all fairness, it had only been a plan for a panic room before Ranma and Ryoga had learned how to start throwing that Dragonball Z crap. That's when they moved from possible hazard to downright scary in a time bomb kind of way.

"I suppose so," Kasumi agreed. "Although, I just didn't think it'd be Ranma."

"Are you kidding?" the younger sister replied as she reached for some of the rations that had been stored with them. "More cookies?"

-Hours Later, Somewhere in Tokyo-

Ranma let out a cry of nearly spent rage as he knocked another tree down. After the whole Tendo incident, he had gone around picking a fight with anyone that came along. Then after sending Ryoga, Mousse, Kuno, and Kodachi into the ground or sky, which was rather odd since they all seemed to be on their way to the Tendo's house for some reason he couldn't understand, he had left to city to help work out some of his anger on whatever nature decided to piss him off with. Mostly that meant trees, they were evil things that cats enjoyed climbing after all.

He was about to knock down another when he noticed a squirrel with a nut in its mouth was starting at the tree he had just knocked down. Ranma looked at the creature, then the tree, then the rodent again. "Oh that's your house…sorry," he mumbled.

The squirrel didn't look so convinced.

"It's just…they make me so _angry_," Ranma told the critter. "It's always about them! Their stupid engagement, and now Akane's going along with it!" For awhile he thought she had actually understood him, but in the end, she was just like all the others; or at least Shampoo. Ukyo hadn't tried something like bribing him with permanent manhood…_yet_.

Although after today he wasn't about to put anything past any of them.

Ranma sighed, and sat down. "I just wish…I…that's just it though! I'm seventeen for crying out loud! I don't know what I want! I just wish I could figure it out and do it! Is that to much to-huh?"

Ranma blinked when he felt something burning in his pocket, and took it out to see the paper he had gotten earlier was glowing bright red. Then, a much larger pentagram appeared on the ground in front of him and caused Ranma to step back in alarm.

A second later, there was a girl that looked about his age with bright red hair and blue eyes standing in the circle before it vanished. She wore a school uniform that looked like it was one of the newer and skimpier styles, and filled it out to the point even Ranma, someone who had oversized breasts of his own half the time, thought was ridiculous. Then there were the bat wings coming out her back, those were…new.

When the circle disappeared, the girl looked Ranma over, and held out her hand. "Hello my name Rias Gremory. You summoned me?" Then, she looked down at her hand and blinked. "Right, you bow in Japan. Excuse me." She quickly did so.

For a moment Ranma was put off by the stranger's appearance. "Wait, what do you mean summoned?"

The girl with wings blinked at the question, then sighed. "Oh, you must be one of those types that doesn't believe in magic. You see-"

"No I believe in it," Ranma quickly told her. "I've had a lot of experience with it too. So trust me, I know I didn't cast a spell or nothin'. So, if you're here for a fight or something we might as well get going."

Although, now that he had a moment to vent his anger, Ranma wasn't really in the mood for taking on a girl that had jut shown up out of nowhere.

The fact that her latest client knew about magic perked Rias's interest. From what she could see the boy _did_ have a rather impressive aura, and she could see there was some soft of magical enchantment woven around him. It had something to do with water, but that was all she could tell.

"Well, that saves a lot of explanation," she mumbled before putting her hands up. "But no I'm not here to fight you. You must have gotten a flyer from my familiar, correct?"

Although he wasn't sure what a _familiar_ was, considering the paper had just about burnt a hole in his pocket, he was pretty sure she was talking about the maid. "You mean this?" Ranma asked as he held up the empty envelope and the flyer that had been inside it. "Yeah, some maid gave it to me."

Rias took the envelope from her client and looked it over. _Odd, I thought Akeno stopped trying to solicit clients by mail_, she thought. They had done that before handing the job over to familiars, but most people had thrown them out without making a wish; probably thinking the things were simply junk mail.

_No wait_. The boy had said someone handed him the letter. A…maid? Rias knew her familiar wore a waitress's clothes while in human disguise. Well, except when it was time to clean the club room, then she changed the creature's attire to fit the job.

Then there was her surroundings. From what Rias could tell, she wasn't anywhere _near_ her territory. _So how did this boy manage to get his hands on one of my summoning contracts_?

"Uh, why are you here again?"

The question snapped Rias out of her thoughts. She cleared her throat. "Yes, let me explain. When you made a wish just now, you entered into a contract with me. I'll grant your wish, and in return you will bestow upon me a bit of your energy, proportionate to the task you wish me to do." Then, she went into disclaimer mode. "No, I am no asking for your soul, spiritual essence, katra, or personal religious equivalent. If for whatever reason your contract is declared invalid, you will not have to pay. However, we would still like you fill out a questionnaire at the completion of your wish to see if there are any way to improve our service."

As he went over the explanation in his head, Ranma got a sinking feeling. He pointed a finger at the bat-winged girl and raised an eyebrow. "Wait a second, then if your not after my soul…what exactly _are _you getting out of it I mean, you're like a demon, right?"

Being called a demon made Rias roll her eyes. "Please don't call me a demon. That terms a little too generic." Honestly it was like calling Japanese and Americans both the same since thy were humans. "I'm a devil. You know about Christianity?" At the boy's nod, she continued, "I'm _that_ type of demon. And it's not your soul…well, not all of it anyway. Actually, you'd better just go ahead and tell me your request so I can give you a proper estimate."

Ranma blinked. "Request?"

"Yes, the wish you made to activate the magic circle and summon me here," she explained with a cheerful decorum. "I promise I'll do everything possible to fulfill it."

_Oh…so that's what happened_, he told herself. Ranma crossed his arms and thought for a moment, then looked at her girl hesitantly. "Uh yeah that…well, I'm not sure."

Rias crossed her arms under her breasts and raised an eyebrow, her cheerful expression faltering. "Excuse me?"

"Well I want kind of just venting, so…I'm not really sure what that wish was," Ranma carefully explained. From what he knew, this was where girls started to get violent, and he didn't want to take any chances with a demon.

The small problem made Rias nod in understanding. It wasn't the first time a devil had to deal with spur of he moment wishes. "Okay then. Just tell me your heart's desire, and we'll go from there."

"Uh…my what?" Ranma asked.

"The thing you want most in this world. Just tell me what it is, and we'll try and work something out," she told him.

Ranma thought about it for a moment. _Heart's desire…heart's desire…_ Well there was his curse, that was a big one, and considering the girl's magical background she just might be able to do something about it. He was just going to tell her, when another problem came to mind, and another, and another, and yet another.

As he went though the list of just how many things he needed fixing, Ranma started to feel himself being weighted down by it all.

"Are you alright?" Rias asked when the boy's aura turned gloomy and he slouched down where he was sitting.

The question made Ranma look back at the girl, causing inspiration to strike. "I don't suppose I could just wish for you to solve _all_ my problems, can I?"

The mention of a compound wish made Rias flinch. She really didn't like combination requests. They were tricky, and took _so _long.

But on the other hand, the boy certainly had more than enough payment for a very powerful wish. In fact he had the most capital out of any human she'd seen.

"I might be able to," Rias told him hesitantly. "But, you'd better tell me what all you need done first before I make any promises."

So Ranma began explaining everything. "It started when…oh hell, before I was born really," as he began with the arranged marriage agreement, and went from there, until he came to the part about Jusenkyo.

"Then there's my curse." Ranma stopped for a moment. "Well, I suppose it's better to show ya. There's got to be a water fountain or something around here."

"Why do you need water?" Rias asked.

Ranma sighed. "It's how it works, when I get wet, I…change."

Nodding in understanding, Rias held up her hand to summon a globe of water a little larger than her head and left it hovering. "Is this enough?"

The sudden appearance of the water surprised Ranma for a moment before he told himself, _Right…devil…magic…makes sense I guess_. "Yeah, just toss it over here on me."

A second later Ranma found his head engulfed by the liquid orb. On cue, he felt an intense wave of vertigo as his body was exchanged with that of a girl's. For a few moments, Ranma had an intense feeling of wrongness at being in a different body, and then she slowly adjusted. "Tada," she mumble without much enthusiasm.

She noticed that her hair wasn't dripping wet, then reached up to fell that her skin hadn't been left wet either. _Well, that's nice I suppose_.

Rias blinked a few times at the change and the girls appearance. Apart from the hair and eyes, they didn't look that much alike, but the shared features were a little…odd. _How does a Japanese girl have red hair anyway_?

"So how do you change back?" Rias asked after a momentary pause.

A minute later, Rias had headed the water or to a comfortably warm temperature, and dunked Ranma's head in it again.

"But it's not just the curse, which _really_ sucks…" He told her about the other engagements and how he ended up with Akane… "…and what really gets me is: I have no choice in the matter. Hell, when I first showed up, they go 'pick one' and I didn't even get to do that! Then along comes these two other girls, and then this one _real_ crazy chick…"

The situation with his mother… "…I guess when it really came down to it, I just wanted her to give me a stamp of approval or something ya know? Like it would make everything _okay_ or something. But then it happened, and…well, nothing's really changed. If anything, she's just like my dad."

That brought him to the topic of his father… "…and then I just showed up and saw that empty barrel of Nanniichuan over his head. The thing is…it doesn't really surprise me that he would try to cure his curse but…it was a freaking barrel! As soon as I was done I could have shared it by letting someone else take a bath. Instead he just thinks of himself and just pours it out!"

And then there was the rest. "…Shampoo's well…she's okay once you get past the whole mind control stuff she pulls, which she hasn't actually done in awhile…Ukyo is kind of, I don't know, she's nice and all, but she's got this weird habit of trying to clobber me whenever I pay her a complement…Ryoga and Mousse are okay…sort of…okay maybe not…but without them around I wouldn't really have anyone to keep me in shape…"

"And…well that's it I guess," Ranma finished before he sat down on the fallen tree again, having got up to pace severl times as he unloaded all the weight on his chest. "Sorry, never knew I could whine so much bout stuff." Still, there was something strange about the girl in front of him. Maybe it was that she hadn't attacked him yet, maybe it was the fact that she would be _gone _in less than twenty-four hours, or maybe it was the fact that she actually asked about his problems; but whatever it was, he found himself able to get everything off his chest. Even if she was a devil, Ranma felt…comfortable around her in a way he couldn't quite explain.

As her client finished his rather long list of complaints, Rias looked up at the moon that had come out for a moment, then back to the boy. "I…see," she mumbled, a little put off by the sheer time requirement that the request entailed. "And, you want me to fix _all_ that?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Ranma grumbled before sighing. "To be honest I suppose I could get by if you just helped me with the curse and my cat…problem."

Rias leaned up against the fallen tree. "That _is _within my capabilities and your price range," she assured him. Although she could only think of one way to cure a deep-rooted phobia that stemmed from his childhood, and it was a little messy. "But…"

_I knew this was coming_, Ranma told himself. It wasn't like he got anything for free like a suit of clothes that did all his fighting for him, or a magic tattoo that made the wearer invincible. "What?"

"It's just usually when people call on devils, it's for to _give_ them something. Such as money, or good luck, or have a woman fall in love with them. It's something to help bring them happiness-uh, what's with that look?" she asked when Ranma gave her a dead stare.

"You can't be serious," he told her. "I used to live with a Christian…" Not that he had any intention of going back to the Tendo's place anytime soon…and never again was a serious possibility. "I didn't think spreading happiness is what you guys do."

Rias shrugged. "Hey, that's what happens when the other side is writing all the religious texts." _Not that a good number of us fit those descriptions_, she thought. But, there was no need to confuse the boy with religious politics. "I'm just asking…" _How to put it_? "…is there anything you want that would make you actually _happy_ instead of…less sad?"

After taking a moment to think, Ranma laughed. "Happy? Are you kidding me? Look, my life sucks. Half of it's probably my fault in one way or another, but…I got no real hope for the future. If it were up to me, I'd spend the rest of my life just fighting strong opponents and hanging out, ya know? I don't like having to worry about stuff like where food is coming from, or stupid fiancées cropping up every five minutes."

"I could give you that," Rias cut in suddenly.

Ranma stopped in his verbal tracks, his mind taking a second to try and process what she said. "What do you mean?"

"The life you just said you wanted, I can give it to you," she told him. "It wouldn't even cost you your essence."

"Why? And what _would _I have to pay?" Ranma asked skeptically. Nothing that good came without a huge price tag.

When the girl smiled, Ranma could tell is was a genuine smile, yet…it was as if she was hiding something as well. "After listening to your life's problems, let's just say I…understand with your situation," she explained before her expression because much more serious.

"As for your payment…I would take your life," Rias said.

_That_ bit of information brought Ranma's curiosity to a screeching halt. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Your life as Ranma Saotome the human would be over. I would remake you. You would become a foot soldier for my house, a devil in my personal service. My enemies would be your enemies, my objectives would be your objectives. I cannot promise you perfect happiness, but I can assure you that there will always be a challenge waiting for you down the road, and a path for you to follow. Join me, and all those problems you just went on and on about will be gone."

Ranma raised an eyebrow at the declaration. "How's that supposed to work? I mean, won't I still have everything else plus _your _problems too?"

"Not exactly," Rias said as she shook her head. "Your life as a human will end. The magic around you will lose its hold, and all those obligations you just went on and on about would as well when the life of the human Ranma Saotome finished."

"Can I think about it?" Ranma asked.

Rias nodded. "Well I'd hardly consider you committed enough if you didn't. I usually take people more desperate than you, but…I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth either." After spending some time with the boy, she knew it was no accident that he had ended up with one of her summoning contracts. The only real question was: just how did he get one?

_I'll ask Akeno what she thinks_, Rias reasoned.

"Take your time. If you don't want to, there's still the matter of our contract. I could at least solve some of your problems that way."

Ranma rested his arms on his knees, and thought about it for a long time, a long…_long_ time. Seriously, a whole ten minutes passed before he finally made his decision. When it came down to it, the only thing really stopping him from accepting the offer outright was himself. No matter how he looked at the situation, Ranma knew he was just running away from his problems. He was taking the easy way out, it was like accepting things were just too much for him and that life had beaten him.

It didn't seem right. He had gone months, _months_ with dealing with everything under the sun and doing fine, then the loss of one little barrel of magic water caused him to snap? He had even thought any hope for a cure was gone up till then.

Was that really it? Just one stupid cure that his Pop stole?

"That's it?" Ranma mumbled. From what he could see, he supposed it made a sort of sense. He had nothing…and then to learn the thing he had been wanting most had been stolen because people wanted to use him.

A angry thought ran through his mind, if Akane had just told him about the damn thing when she found out…

_Akane_…

The wedding played itself out in his mind, if he had gone up to the alter that is…

"_Ranma, marry Akane or stay cursed forever_!" _Soun shouted behind Ranma as the priest asked for the pigtailed boy's 'I do'._

"_Yeah Ranma, marry me so I can remind you every day that I was the one who got you your cure_," _Akane said in her wedding dress with a frown_. _Then she turned to look at the Ranma who was visualizing the whole thing_. "_What? Face it, that's __**exactly**__ how I'd see it too. I'd hold it over you for the rest of your life._"

When she had chosen to put on the wedding dress and attach her marriage as a stipulation to his cure…she had crossed a line that couldn't be undone. She had tried to manipulate him like just about everyone else.

The anger he could understand…_sometimes_. The violence, that was just what women _did_ as far as Ranma was concerned. But…the manipulation…the way she had tried to trick him like that…

Even if Akane had become Shampoo as far as he was concerned, was that really enough? He was running away from his problems because they were _hard_? It made him feel…cowardly.

But what other real option was there for him, suicide? It _would_ solve a lot of the issues…honorably even. Then the fact that he was seriously considering seppuku hit him, and Ranma broke into a grin, then a chuckle, and then an outright laugh.

Rias blinked. "What's so funny?"

"Sorry, heh…I just…man thinking about all this stuff at once actually makes me think about killing myself," Ranma told her with a small smirk. _No wonder I never sat down and thought about all this before…hell, I probably would have just poured water on my head the first time Mom showed up, and ended it right there_.

The thought of his mother quickly killed his dark humor.

"Then you're considering my offer?" Rias asked, trying not to sound too hopeful at the thought of acquiring another powerful piece.

"Well it beats killing myself," Ranma told her, his half-smile still in place.

Rias blinked. She had thought she had been clear earlier. "Actually, it _is_ killing yourself." When she boy's face went from amused to confused, she decided to explain the process in more detail. "Sorry if I didn't make it clear enough in the beginning, but in order to be reborn, you first have to die. I can assist you with this, or you can do it yourself. Although I can assure you there won't be any pain if I do it."

In the end, that closed the deal for him.

"So you need me to be a soldier?" Ranma asked.

Rias nodded. "Yes. You will be one of my personal servants, and fight by my side. I will entrust you with my life, as you will do the same with me, and the other servants of my house.

"I'm not going to lie to you. It will be painful, dangerous, you might even die and face terrors that would cause a human mind to normally shut down just by seeing them. It _could_ very well be worse than what you have now.

" Do you agree to this?"

"Why me?" Ranma asked.

The devil gestured to all of Ranma. "I know talent when I see it. You seem to be…impressive, judging by your aura in any case. But it's more than that. Let's just say…you're the type of person I look for when it comes to inviting people into my house."

"I have a condition."

"Go on," Rias said with a nod.

-The Saotome Apartment-

Akane fumed as she looked at herself in the mirror. Of course Nabiki and Kasumi had extra clothes because of that underground room her older sister had built secretly, but Akane was forced to wear some of Aunt Saotome's old clothes that were _much_ too loose around the chest for her liking.

That got her thinking of Ranma, and made her mood considerably darker.

She went back into the main room and looked around at the scene that almost made Akane ill. Oh, with the insurance money Nabiki and Kasumi could stay happy since they'd be able to rebuild the house and then some, but it was their _home_, and that bastard Ranma had destroyed it.

Now, they were staying in what passed for the Saotome home thanks to all Ranma's girlfriends destroying the real house. It was big enough for her family to at least sleep in, but gathered in what passed for the living room made everything _so _cramped.

"Oh Akane are you still upset?" Nodoka asked as she came out of the kitchen area with some at.

_Still upset_? Akane thought in a rage. _You worthless son just destroyed my house!_ But, she swallowed her anger and smiled. "No auntie, I'm sure it was all an…accident."

"Oh that's good," Nodoka said before she walked away from Akane, ignoring the girl's dark red aura and accusing eyes.

The door banged open. "Yo I'm home."

Akane looked over to glare at Ranma as he walked into the apartment. "Hey now _we're _the ones with the unwanted freeloaders huh? Well I suppose that's fair. I mean I stay at their house, I save Akane about a _million_ times, she saves my life about twice and tries to bribe me into marrying her with something that's already mine."

Ranma stopped and rubbed his chin in mock thought. "Wait…that doesn't quite add up."

When she finally worked through the shock of hearing what Ranma just said, Akane glared death at the boy. "Excuse me?" she said through gritted teeth.

Having watched enough westerns to know when it was time to get the heck out of dodge, Nabiki quickly slipped out the door and then peeked around the corner.

"Those two times I mean, I wouldn't have even needed saving if you hadn't stuck your head in where it didn't belong," Ranma told her.

"Son, I think you have some apologizing to do," Soun said.

"You're right old man," Ranma told him before he looked over to Akane. "Akane…I'm…wow, I really can't say it. You know what, I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for any of it! Wait, I am. Hell, I wish I picked Kasumi when this whole thing started. What am I thinking, _Nabiki's _better than you. _That_'s what I'm sorry for, that I didn't choose to marry _Nabiki_ over you!"

Nabiki stuck her head in and frowned. "Hey," she drawled out.

Ranma looked back at her and relented, at least a little. "What? All you do is take people's money. _She_ tries to kill me with violence _and _food, then steals my dream of actually being a complete man time and time again. You'd at least have the common sense to stay away from half the crap she messes with."

"YOU BAST-" *THWACK*

Everyone in the room stopped breathing when Ranma laid Akane out on the ground before she could bring her anger to bare, even Ranma. "Wow…that felt…_good_."

"SON!"

It wasn't Soun, but Nodoka that had shouted. The man was still too much in shock from seeing his daughter put to the ground by her fiancé.

"That is not the way a man acts towards his wife! Now you will wake her up and apologize this instant!" Nodoka yelled.

"I'd rather die you stupid old hag!" Ranma shouted back.

Nodoka blinked at the insult, her whole body shaking as she tried to respond. "You…you…what…you…**what did you say to me**?"

"You heard me!" Ranma shouted. "I mean God, look at yourself. You marry _that_," he pointed to his father, "then let him run off with me and think everything's fine because of a bunch of stupid letters? Then you just show back up and I'm supposed to…what? Do everything you say? Live my life how _you_ think I should on top of the morons over there, because of some stupid piece of paper? If that's the way it's gonna be, then give me a damn dagger so I can kill myself already!"

The woman reached into her kimono, and pulled out a tanto before thrusting it in Ranma's direction. "I see. In that case my…Ranma. Your actions here today have given me cause to reconsider my previous judgment as premature. You are _not_ manly and-"

Ranma didn't let her finish before snatching the thing away. The fact that she was still carrying something like this around only made Ranma more sure of himself and his decision. "_Shadup_!"

"Boy stop this right now!" Genma shouted before he turned to Nodoka. "Wife, I'm afraid Ranma has had something done to him to act this way. If you remember, I told you those Chinese devils-urk!"

As soon as Genma collapsed from Ranma kicking him in the back of the head, he glared down at the old man. More than likely, he'd be weaseling out of _his_ part of the contract; not that Ranma really cared anymore. He was getting out of it, honorably even.

For that alone he was more than willing to be Satan's little helper.

"Ranma, maybe you shouldn't-"

"Hold up Saotome, that's not-"

"Ugh what hit me? Ranma?"

Ranma ignored Kasumi, Nabiki, and Akane's voices in the background as he dropped to his knees. He knew there was a big ceremony to go through, but…he was afraid if he even slowed down to think about it, fear would creep in and everything would end up for nothing.

Or _something_ would happen to stop it. His life was kind of stupid that way.

In the back of his mind, Ranma noticed that his mother wasn't even going for the blade hanging on the wall, she was just watching him sternly. Was it because she didn't think he was going to go through with it?

The real question was if she was standing there to smugly wait for him to back out, or ensure that he indeed killed himself? Either way, she was apparently forgetting the part _she_ was supposed to play in all this, and what she was honor-bound to do afterwards.

_The hell with honor then_, Ranma told himself. It had gotten him into this. If killing himself was what it meant to be honorable, then he could do without it in his new life.

Ranma held out the tanto, then readjusted the angle to go through his heart. He wasn't about to roll around in pain because of someone else wasn't going to do his job.

"I'm waiting," Nodoka said as she tapped her foot.

"Son wait!" "Boy don't do it!"

_Right, I should probably say some last words_, Ranma realized when Soun and Genma rushed at him. "I'll see you in Hell!" Ranma shouted, noting being able to think of anything better than a cheap movie line on the fly.

Although, the irony of the statement hit him right as he plunged the knife into his heart, and then fell over dead.

-On the Rooftop Across From the Saotome Apartment-

"So, he…what? Wanted to spend his last few moments telling off his old girlfriend and mother?" the queen asked.

"More like it seemed he wanted her to murder him with the way he kept pushing her," the knight mumbled in response.

Rias waited for several minutes until the occupants of the apparent started to move in a panicked frenzy. "I'd say it's a bit of both," she said as she watched everyone start talking over themselves. "I mean, just look at them down there."

The scene below changed when the older woman with the red hair pointed an accusing finger at the youngest girl and said something that none of them could hear, although the girl's shouted response did make it through the glass.

"It's not my fault!" she shouted before grabbing the nearby table and got ready to throw it at the woman. "It's yours you bitch!"

_Oh dear_. Rias motioned her queen forward. "Akeno stop her, and take care of the rest of them while your at it, would you?"

"I guess it's true what they say, it's all fun and games until someone takes their own life." The black-haired woman in the shrine maiden uniform hastily called down a bolt of lightning and sent it through the window to incapacitate everyone inside.

With everyone unconscious, Rias looked over to her knight.

"Yuto please retrieve the body," she said before handing the blonde boy a small doll made in Ranma's image. "Also, make sure the wounds on the decoy match the ones on his real corpse."

The young man nodded before accepting the doll and disappearing in a blur of motion to land inside the apartment. He took a second to look at the dagger, then removed the hilt of his own blade from its sheath to copy the tanto's form before dropping the doll on the ground to let it change into a decoy body before he mirrored the injuries done to the human.

When Yuto had returned with the body, he set it down in front of Rias, who opened her hand to summon a rook, but frowned when she studied her soon to be servant's body. "Uh oh…"

"Is something wrong Rias?" Akeno asked when she saw her mistress stop before implanting the chess piece.

_I was afraid of this when I saw his aura_, Rias told herself. "It's not enough."

"What do you mean?" Yuto asked as he looked at the rook chess piece. From what he understood, rooks were second only to queens as devil servants, and it wasn't enough to revive a human boy?

Rias looked over to her knight for a moment. "As you know, each piece in the in the Evil Piece System has a corresponding value. Queens having a rating of nine, with Pawns only being worth one. Apparently, this boy is worth more than five points."

"Can't you just enhance the value of the pieces with numbers then?" Akeno asked.

Rias shook her head. "No, all I have left is a Rook, a Knight, and a Bishop. Then there's my Pawns."

From the way she was looking at him… Yuto jumped back and held up hand hands in a stopping gesture. "W-Wait a second! You're not going to take my piece are you Lady Gremory?" _Can she even do that_?

The question of what would happen if Rias really did remove Yuto's chess piece caused him to pause. Could it be replaced by the Rook, or would he simply die? He really didn't want to find out.

"Why would I do that?" Rias asked in confusion, claming the knight down. Then she looked back to Ranma. "It looks like I have no choice but to use all my Pawns." She sighed at the prospect of putting all the pieces that were supposed to balance out quality with quantity into _one_ person, but if she didn't intervene, the boy would be staying dead after she had agreed to his resurrection.

"Akeno, if you would place a barrier around us so we don't have interruptions," she asked her queen before getting on with the ritual.

Rias summoned her chess pieces, then created another unholy magic circle to begin the implantation process. "**By the Power of my house**,** I Rias Gremory order you to return to this land as my servant**! **ARISE AND LIVE ONCE MORE AS MY PAWN**!"

There was a bright flash of crimson, and each of the chess pieces sunk into the boy's chest once she had implanted the evil pieces, Rias had Yuto take Ranma's body over his shoulder. It would take a few hours for the pigtailed boy to be reborn thanks to the multiple implants, and then there was the matter of his fatal wound. That was going to take several nights to heal before he could be fully risen as a devil.

"We need to get back to the academy, I don't like being outside my territory for so long," Rias told them before she called forth a transportation circle.

The mention of the academy sparked a memory of club business in Akeno's mind. "Oh that reminds me Miss President, we've had several applications for students to join the Occult Research Club this year. How exactly do you want us to handle that?"

Rias looked over to her queen with a raised eyebrow. "_What_?" The whole reason she had set up such a nonsensical club was to make sure no humans got involved in her business and got themselves killed. "Why in the heck would they want to join _my_ club?"

"Are you kidding?" Yuto asked as he explained the situation. "I'm pretty much the prince of that school, so I have to fend off at least half-a-dozen girls a day. Koneko attracts those weirdoes who are into little kids by the droves, and then there's your gigantic breasts and figure. Personally, I'm confused why we don't have people beating down the door with applications in hand, trying to sign up just for excuses to spend time with us."

The omission of her desirable status in the school's social scene made Akeno give Yuto a quick look of annoyance before blowing her own horn. "Plus I'm the second-most desirable girl in school. Hell, before we changed it to accept boys last year, I had to fight off _girls _who wanted to date me, and there are _still_ rumors of you and me going out."

Rias looked back and forth between her servants, then sighed in dismay. Although high school life had been fun for the first semester, things had become much more…chaotic the previous year with the addition of boys to the school.

-Extra Scene!-

Yuto dropped the unconscious devil on the bed as he waited for his mistress to prepare her healing magic. When he felt a tug on his arm, he looked down to see the silver haired rook with golden eyes that had been left out of the team introduction. "Oh hey Koneko, what's up?"

"Where'd you go, and who's that?" she asked before pointing to the heavily injured devil that Rias was currently striping down.

"Just went to go pick up the other main character and participate in a scene that's going to have all the Akane lovers posting flames," he told her before something occurred to him. "I wonder if there'll be a follow-up on what happens to them."

Koneko shrugged. "Boring," she said before looking over to the main characters. "So why him?"

The sight of their mistress 'healing' Ranma's injuries brought a large drop of sweat down the back of Yuto's head. "Uh…well, he's supposed to be a pretty impressive fighter or something. Although that's actually pretty debatable since his series came out before martial arts started being shown any real respect in the anime world and most fight scenes were about ten frames played over and over again. Plus, he's supposed to be popular with women."

In front of the two devils Rias pressed her naked body up against Ranma's unconscious one, covering most of his wounds with her gigantic breasts as she let the healing magic go its work.

"Boy toy," Koneko surmised.

"Pretty much," Yuto agreed before looking over to the shorter girl. "So, since this is probably all omake…you wanna go do it?"

"Sure," the rook agreed as she took the knight's hand and led him off screen for some privacy. Then, she moved her head back into view to look at the person reading this (that's you). "Hey, since this is a Ranma ½ cross, do you think we should mention…you know, about me."

"Koneko," Akeno said as she came over to lecture the devil, "I know this is omake, but you really should stick to the cute one word lines your character is known for."

Koneko sighed, then looked back at her senior. "I have plenty of full conversations. Read the books!"

Akeno arched an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? where?"

Koneko immediately pulled out HS DxD vol 4, then opened it to show the other devil hybrid. "See! It was first big emotional scene. I even got an illustration to go along with it!"

"QUIT TRYING TO GIVE OUT SPOLIERS!" Rias shouted as a bolt of crimson energy struck both the girls and covered them with soot.

Akeno looked back to her best friend. "What'd I do?"

Rias simply pointed to the descriptive phrase of her friend higher up in the scene.

"Pfft, like anyone can ready anything into _that_," she said. "Besides, anyone who likes Ranma but doesn't know DxD can just go on Hulu or Wikipedia and catch up that way."

Koneko raised her hand. "That reminds me, is this jut going to be another main character replacement fan fiction?"

"How should I know?" Rias mumbled ass he looked down at her white-haired servant.

"I was asking him," the shorted devil said before pointed past Rias and over to the author, who had ended up being written into the scene as it sort of got away from him.

The author blinked, then cleared his throat. "Yes, well, uh…I think we kind of have to do the whole Ashia and Rizer stuff, maybe at least some of that mess with the holy swords since its central to Yuto's back story and a few other things that main characters can't do without…but, think I'll handle the whole dragon mess differently. I might throw in some Oh My Goddess too later on since you guys are like the modern incarnation of that show. Actually, scratch the _might_ you'll definitely be running into Belldandy and the others by chapter seven."

The girls from what amounted a harem in the real series shared a dubious look, then turned their attention back on the author. "How the heck is _this_ like Oh My Goddess?" Koneko asked.

"We've got more than _three_ cup-sizes on all those girls," Rias shouted.

"And no face paint," Akeno back her up.

"And if you think I'm _anything_ like Keiichi you're a fucking moron!" Issei yelled. "I actually _sleep_ with _multiple_ girls, AT THE SAME TIME, **IN THE SAME **_**BED**_!"

Everyone in the room looked at the newcomer who was the normal male lead for High School DxD, then turned to the reader once again.

"He's being quite literal here," Rias assured you.

Akeno sighed. "Yes, when it actually comes to performance…there isn't any."

"And I think we'd better end it there," the author cut in. "Wow, this is way longer than I meant it to be."

"Hey, no wait, at least give me a chance to defend myself!" Issei whined.

END CH 1


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